Prefection

I mentioned yesterday in my blog the word "perfect". I stated that I always went into things with the desire of doing them as completely and as perfectly as possible.

So it was my intention when I started this blog (a whole 3 days ago!) to write regularly. For me, regularly meant every day. Even though I didn't set out the intention to you, lovely readers, that I would write every day, I definitely had in my head that that was what was required, to make my blog writing as complete and as perfect as possible.

I don't believe however that this approach necessarily serves me well.

In actual fact, it probably doesn't serve you, the reader, well either, as it may lead to me scrabbling about for a topic to write on any given day, to fulfil my obligation to write every day, rather than me writing something meaningful. It is a pressure, an expectation, that I am putting on myself. And I know that I do this kind of thing often, so I'm really starting to wonder why.

There are a number of possible reasons that initially spring to mind as to the possible root cause of this, and the majority of them are remnants of how I often used to feel about myself, all varying different degrees of not being good enough. Honestly, I don't feel like that anymore and it's taken a few years of work on self-development and personal growth to get to that place. And yet, there are still some nagging remains of that person that I used to be. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's a constant reminder not to be complacent. After all, I haven't reached the mountain-top of personal growth and self-love, there is no end to this journey. And thank goodness for that. I'm happy to live in a world where I'm always discovering, always curious, always surprised.

So this gives me then the opportunity to get curious about my approach to doing things perfectly. Let's start from that place, rather than the place of beating myself up about it. Rather "hey, look at that thing you're doing again, how amusing", rather than "oh god, you're doing that thing again, you stupid girl, why the hell are you doing that, I thought you'd got over this".

And I always start with the same question - "does this serve me now?" We often hang onto things that have served us well in the past, have kept us safe, have made us feel in control and things that just worked for us. The thing is that life is not static - our environments change, our perceptions change and we change. So what served me very well back then, or even yesterday, may no longer serve me today.

Doing things as completely and as perfectly as I possibly could allowed me to get a good education - both during my school years (although ironically I didn't complete my university degree due to ill mental health, a fact that bothered me for years) and beyond. It was my way of learning, in fact the only way I knew how to learn. I have since learned that sometimes its more worthwhile to sit back and just listen. Listen to the lesson that is being taught, listen to my heart, listen to my soul, listen to my body. Truly listen. And by truly listening, I mean the deep listening that involves feeling. My head may continue to tell me the story that it's been telling me for so long in order to keep me safe. My heart, soul and body will not lie to me though - those 3 elements tell me how it is now.

So will I still feel the pressure to do things "perfectly"? Possibly. I am a work in progress after all. One thing I do know though, is that there is a different way from how I've been doing it all these years. And there may very well be a different way tomorrow. As always, it's my choice in how I approach these matters.

Thank you for listening.

*if you enjoy the themes of these musings and would like to learn more, or join in similar conversations, please head over to The Listening House www.atthelisteninghouse.com